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Anticipatory Pain --> Preemptive Gratitude

Trying to move throughout this world with a lil' more intention.

It can be tricky - I'm someone who does well when I'm flying by the seat of my pants, when everything is happening "just in time" and I'm existing in the thrill of not knowing what's next. I can honor this truth... AND acknowledge that part of that tendency stems from a fear of claiming my wants & desires. This is two-fold.

1) Setting a goal implies that you're worthy of receiving all that comes along with achieving that goal. Eughhh. How dare I be so selfish? How dare I be so bold?

And, most present for me these days...

2) Better protect myself from any potential feelings of loss & sadness by not even articulating my wants in the first place. Better just be psyched about whatever does end up happening. Right? Right?

When I get stressed, I get vague. Particularly about the things I want from life. How can I receive the exact meal I want if I waltz into a restaurant and say, "Hey, hi, I want food!" Why not order the precise thing I'm hungriest for, and trust that the server will bring me that? As a voracious eater, this restaurant analogy makes the whole thing seem so easy, so obvious, so delicious.

Currently exploring what it's like to shift from anticipatory pain to preemptive gratitude.

Admitting that by attempting to mitigate future pain, I'm also mitigating future joy, and if I am truly trying to live as a whole, embodied human, I need to step fully into my desires. They exist for a reason - to guide us forward, towards growth and potential and thriving and joy. Exploring the idea that we're all OH SHIT loveable, and OH SHIT worthy of our desires, and OH SHIT the universe has our back.

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